I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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