maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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