There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
