My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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