glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
