Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
