Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
