You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
