i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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