I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
