You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
