my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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