At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
