so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
