i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
