ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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