we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
