Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My bed smells like the plague
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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