We're like a lot better than the average bears
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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