i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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