I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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