I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sponge bath it is.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
