Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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