You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
