we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
