this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
