I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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