3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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