she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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