I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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