turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
