were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
