If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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