I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
