hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
