Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
