there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
