my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
