I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
