Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
