apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
