...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
