i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
