I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
