Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
