i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
