Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Soap is not a condiment
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Randomize
