I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
