so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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