I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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