i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
