He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
