He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize