this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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