Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
