you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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