five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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