Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
