Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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